The Anger Monster is something everybody lives with.
And I will go out on a limb here and say, that there are only a handful of people in the world, that have true mastery over their emotions.
Knowledge is power, when you know better, you do better!
It is part of the human condition. The human ego. And we all know that the main job of the ego, is to keep us safe and protected from potential threats. Whether those threats are real or imagined.
Anger is a feeling we feel. It is an emotion that flows through and over us, overwhelming our identity with a genetically, preprogramed reaction.
The world narrows to that moment in time, and nothing else exists except the threat and ourselves. Adrenaline is pumped through the system and we engage our fight, flight or freeze programs. Anger is one of our “Fight” reactions.
It is a pre-programmed mechanism that our ancestors developed that helped to keep them alive.
Stuart Wilde, who was a spiritual and metaphysical teacher that has crossed over, said in one of his books, Infinite Self, “All anger is, is a feeling of loss in some way”. We feel as though we are losing something, or have lost something. I had read and heard this audio book multiple times, but I have no recollection of ever hearing that!
Anger is a feeling of loss in some way.
Anger is a universal feeling, and upon closer reflection, Stuart Wilde is absolutely correct. I cannot name a time when I felt angered, and I wasn’t afraid of losing something, or a feeling that I have lost something.
Time, Respect, Love, Acceptance, Self Confidence.
Energetically anger is a “hard” emotion. It feels hard, looks spikey, and closes down the energetic flow around the body. If I am to live as congruently as I can, with my values and beliefs, raising my own awareness of anger, fear and loss is a must.
In the words of Dr Phil, “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.”
So here are my 5 Steps to slay your Anger Monster
1) Recognise the beginning stages.
As blood rushes around your body, you have a sensation of a head rush, and also a feeling of heat spread throughout your body.
The easiest step to take with this is to recognise that you are being triggered.
2) Look around the room to expand your awareness zone.
The survival program is to contract your awareness to focus on this one thing to the exclusion of all else.
My making yourself look around, you interrupt that pattern.
I know it sound easy, but 3-5 long deep breaths, changes the chemistry racing through your body and informs it that there is no actual threat and that it can come down off “High Alert”
4) Ask yourself, “What do I think I am losing, or have lost?
Is it time, efficiency, respect, another’s compliance, social standing, self belief, self confidence?
What do you feel you are losing or have lost in that moment. By identifying it, you mentally step outside the situation, and gain even greater perspective and a larger focus.
5) Effectively challenge what it is that your ego thinks you have lost.
You are now able to argue with yourself about whether or not you have actually lost what your ego told you, you did. Then disconnect.
Does this mean that you will never react in anger ever again? Puh-lease! We are human and still have egos. But you will have great awareness around it, and so can forgive yourself, and not indulge in is as frequently.
The first step to self mastery is self awareness.