Don’t Call Me if all you want to do is have a pity party!

I know! It sounds really harsh!

After all, isn’t that what being a friend does? Isn’t that what we do for each other? Listen when the other is down!

I want to be the very best friend that I can be, using all of me, all of my knowledge and all of my love. It doesn’t serve them to join the pity party! Rebecca

There is a difference between having a talk through a problem and talking about a problem.   Talking through a problem or issue, is all about getting yourself un-stuck. The intention is that you will come to a conclusion, gain insight, maybe a new perspective from the other person, and move yourself on, forward or put something into place that changes the way this problem is affecting your life.   This conversation acknowledges that where you are is shitty, it is full of compassion and love. It allows you the space to voice how you feel, to vent frustration, and seek acknowledgement from someone who loves you.  This one I will always turn up to. Invite me! I want to listen! Even if moving on is in small steps, I am there!

This conversation is about your power! Acknowledging your feelings surrounding the situation. What you can do, what you can do differently. What you can choose differently! New thoughts, new energy and new situations. This conversation is about taking responsibility for yourself, your emotions, your energy, your situation, and moving yourself on.

The other is just making noise! It is complaining about a problem with absolutely no intention of changing a good God dammed thing. This is the conversation that is full of poor me’s, if only, wishing, waiting and hoping the problem would just disappear without the person actually having to do anything about it. This is the conversation that casts the person in the role of victim. This conversation is all story, and no strategy.   This conversation is a complete waste of time. No amount of support, will make you feel better. And if you are honest, you don’t actually want to feel better. You want an audience…not to feel better! To feel better would require action…and that is what you are not prepared to do. The conversation will loop, and come back to the same problems over and over again, and nothing will change. It will leave me feeling frustrated, drained and lethargic.
WE all have moments where we struggle, the choice is to not unpack and live there, retelling your story again, and again and again serves no purpose except to tell the world how hard done by you are.. Rebecca

I am a BIG advocate for listening to people! Please don’t invite me to the pity party! You will not like it if I turn up. I will ask questions like,

  • So what are you going to choose to do? What is the choice here?
  • Where is it that you want to go?
  • How can you get yourself unstuck?
  • What is the first thing that you have to do?

If that is not what you want to hear, don’t ring me. I am not being a good friend by allowing you to have a pity party with me. It gives you an audience to be stuck with. It gives you someone who is not invested in your power. It feeds your feelings of dis-empowerment and lack of choice. It allows you the space to chew over past hurts, current shittiness and allows you to never face up to the fact that you create or add to your situation, and your choices create your path, and your path determines your future. I will not be that friend who says it is okay for you to stay there in misery.

No more. I require myself to be the best friend that I can be. I will hold your hand as you walk forward, I will walk with you step by step, listening to your fears about the future as you step towards it. I will be the person who gives you the space to brainstorm and share your vision of your future with. I will be the person who gives you the tissues, who listens as you weep down the phone when things don’t go to plan.   I will give you the space to feel how you feel as you move through the emotion and into action. My heart will bleed, as does yours as I hold your hand and walk with you. I will turn up, at any time, on any day to listen. I will be your cheer squad, I will be your pack, your friend, defender and strategist as you move forward.   I will bring all of me, every single time! I will not hold back my love, I will always listen with an open heart. I will hold your hand through setbacks and course corrections.

I won’t turn up to watch you be a victim. I love you too much for that.

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