Some have an expectations of themselves, that anything other than perfect coping, is not coping. After all if we fall apart, we mustn’t be coping right?
And that image we have of ourselves as to what “perfect” coping looks like, well at least in my own head, is the image of someone who is never ruffled by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Someone who is together even in moments of pain. Who finds purpose in the difficult. She has perfect hair, and understated makeup.
But that is the image inside my head. She is not real. Coping is not all perfect hair and makeup and never being flustered. Coping IS honouring those feelings you have inside. It is sitting on the floor weeping for your broken heart. It is crying in the shower!
We tell ourselves that to cope we mustn’t “fall apart”. That we mustn’t feel how we feel. That it is not helpful if we don’t hold it together. That at all costs, we must not feel. Because to feel, is to break. And we can’t be broken can we?
Well I call Bullshit!
It is a load of crap.
Coping is the “how” of getting through the personal challenges that we face. To cope, doesn’t mean you don’t honour your feelings. To cope doesn’t mean you don’t FEEL. Coping is a mixture of intellect and emotion.
To honour the intellect, we think through things methodically. First we have to do this, then that, and then this other thing. That is the masculine energy that we DO need to harness. It has it’s time and place. After all, in an emergency we don’t want to go FEELING all over the place. We want that purpose. We need that methodical intellect to keep us safe and to manage the situation. We need the strength of purpose of getting through that crisis. But we cannot unpack and live, just in purpose. We cannot unpack and just live in methodical
To honour the emotion, we feel our way through things. We allow ourselves the space to feel how we feel. We need to harness the Feminine energy that allows us the space to “do” the masculine. Without allowing the space for the feelings to exit, to flow out of you, they stay trapped, ready to explode at whoever/whatever is in front of you. It is that Yin and Yang Principal. That scared feminine energy is what connects us through our pain to the people we love and to those around us. It is not weakness, but a different kind of strength. We have strength in our connections, in our tribe. We need that feminine strength to give strength to the masculine.
You need the feminine to give you the space for the masculine to be of service. If you deny your feminine feeling/emotional outlet, then you cannot harness the true power of the masculine. The masculine coping is not feeling and getting through. The feminine is allowing yourself the space to connect and feel, so that you can move through and forwards beyond the situation.
Coping doesn’t have to look pretty. When we cry, it is a face of pain. But after the storm has passed, we pick ourselves up off that kitchen floor. Blow our noses. And then get back into it.
That is why coping is both feminine and masculine. That is why both are necessary to move through. That is why doing both, at different times IS COPING!