Certainty in an Uncertain World.
Well, we are all going through some things at the moment. Financial insecurity due to the pandemic, health insecurity, global warming and weather changes…just to name a few of the big ones. That does not even begin to take into account the personal issues we face every day.
When you look at the big picture…well lets not do that…it’s too big and too overwhelming.
I am a big believer in micro changes creating macro results. With so much external insecurity it is difficult to feel as though you and your family are going to be alright.
I get it. I get this too. The What If Monster whispers in my ear just as much as it does to you. The question isn’t how do you stop the What If Monster…It is how to proceed in-spite of it?
You cannot control the pandemic…but you can control your movements, whether you go out, whether you use social distancing, wear a mask, gloves…You can work to control and minimize your risk of infection and passing it on to another. THAT is in your control.
By focusing on what you CAN do and not what you can’t…it empowers you and create a sense of self sureness inside you.
This is not just something I teach to my clients…This is something I live by. What can I do about the risk of the pandemic? I choose to minimize my out of house activity. I choose to wear gloves, I choose to socially distance. I choose…it empowers me and gives me a sense of control.
I have recently come through a divorce…there was a lot within this that was out of my control, out of my hands to choose. But I found choice inside it. I chose to imagine a new future. I chose to take time to grieve, to move through my emotions. I chose to pursue a financial settlement that ensures the children’s security. I chose not to make my ex-husband a villain. I chose to be future focused. I did grieve the loss, I did work my way through the tumultuous emotional roller-coaster.
I know that I always have the power to choose something. Even in these uncertain times, as I have said to my 12 year old son, “If you have two hands and the will to work…you can earn money.” He has begun a mowing and general gardening business for extra pocket money. My eldest daughter has started dog walking for hers.
Certainty in an inside job. There will always be things in the world that are outside your control, the knowledge that you will choose to manage IS where your certainty lives.
I can assure you, that I am human and that I wobble as well. It is not all “busting through roadblocks” over here. Each time a curve ball is thrown my way, it can take time to bounce back. The key thing to remember is knowing that you will bounce back.
When my ex husband and I were going through property settlement, the biggest concern I had was losing the house that the children and I live in. It is big enough to fit the four children comfortably, it is near the children’s schools and it is the place that our children refer to as home. It is security to me. When this outcome was unsure, I did wobble. I had fears and doubts. I worried and went through my fair share of anxiety. But even when in the middle of this…I knew that even if the worst happened…I would still be able to provide shelter, a warm house, good food, and a loving home for the children…So that is what I held onto. THAT is what gave me a sense of certainty in an uncertain situation.
It has turned out that the children and I can retain the family home, which is a great relief, but either way…I knew we would be okay.
HOW TO BUILD CERTAINTY IN YOUR WORLD.
Write down a list of things that are worrying you.
Then categorize your list into two categories: What is INSIDE your power to affect, and what is OUTSIDE your power.
Then from those lists, create for yourself a new list of choices you have to change, shift or negate that worry.
Settlement agreement: Fear of not retaining the family home, house insecurity, fear of further loss of stability, fear of breaking a promise to the children
Outside: Final split still to be negotiated, the other party’s demands/needs, length of time to reach conclusion, financial constraints,
Inside: I will always provide a warm, loving house for the family, I will always have a house to live in, I will always live within my financial means, Where we live IS our home, I am the stable influence in my home, I create our family stability,
I choose to live in the moment, I choose to embrace our family regardless of house location, I choose to see the benefits of both outcomes, I choose to continue to act in the best interest of the children and myself, I choose to focus on my little family, I choose to focus on the aspects that will continue, housing, warmth, shelter, a sense of home, schooling, regardless of location, I choose to continue to build my vision of my future regardless of specific location, I choose to continue to build my health…You get the idea.
That is where your power lies. Now choose the actions that will bring you closer to where you want to be for your future vision.