Oh…Well…Jeez…I don’t know what to say. I suppose that I should say something quick and clever, something that tells you to keep reading…but I can’t.
Today’s post is all about me. So I am not sure if you will gain an “coach worthy” value from this or not. But it is something I need to write.
I have been sick. It’s not a terminal illness, but it is disabling. I have always had migraines and headaches with a frequency that was annoying, but I pushed through and kept going. About 18 months ago, my body decided that it had enough of the push. And my migraines hit a new level of frequency that has since left me rather debilitated. It is that conundrum. Too sick to work, but not sick enough to qualify for disability. I used to say that I am someone who had migraines frequently. Now I describe myself as a chronic pain sufferer. I not only have a full time migraine disorder, I have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia as well. That was when my life no longer became about trying to find the magic pill or course of treatment that would “cure” me. It became about self care, gentleness and self acceptance. Mitigating that bad and embracing the greatness of everyday. Because even with my pain, life is still good. There is still joy, love and happiness alongside the pain.
So that is where the sop story ends. I have pain. Daily pain. Night pain and everything in between pain. It is because of this that I am shifting the focus of my business. I still want to coach the world, still want to help as many people as I can gain perspective and expand their awareness of themselves so that they can plot a course to get where they want to go. But now I have a new purpose. I want to coach other people who have chronic illnesses.
I want to give to other people, what I have fought hard to give to myself and that is understanding and compassion. It is not about the push…pushing through the pain, pushing through the heartbreak of disappointing your kids, or not being able to do what you once were able to do. It is about acceptance and working with the day you have. It is about recognizing what is happening inside you and how hard you are fighting not only your illness, but also yourself. It is about understanding how to be able to function emotionally, even when your body is not.
I want to give other people, what I have gained. I am not going to mislead you…I am still on my journey as well with my pain, with my tiredness. But no body understands chronic pain, or a chronic illness unless you have actually been through that yourself. And I have. I still am.
So the shift within my business is to not hide my illness from you. From the world. I have not worked, or blogged for a long time because I felt like a fraud. How can I help you with your life, when I cannot even go for a 15 minute walk without triggering a migraine. But I now realize that by hiding my illnesses from you, I cannot be authentic.
So here I am. I am in pain, but I am still here. I will be blogging about the functionality of living the best life you can, even with a chronic illness. Topics like self care, being present and the difference between suffering and pain. It is my intention to walk with you through your own illnesses, as you walk through me with mine.
So from now on, there will be a different tone to my blogging. It may still be infrequent, I may miss spelling or editing mistakes and I know that you will forgive me that. But I will be here.